At least on paper. Physically I’d say that’s about accurate. Mentally I feel 20% expedition ready, and time is flying.
I’ve been wanting to write lately but I’ve been so stressed out I make up excuse after excuse that make it sound like I don’t have time. I also happen to come up with most of the things I want to say when I’m walking around passing time at work. Slightly inconvenient.
I for the first time in my life am taking a running jump at something that feels like a dream I’ve had forever. I’m finally going to announce it out loud (not that anyone reads my blog anyway, haha).
I am going on/to a three month outdoor expedition school! This coming spring I will be dropping everything and hitting the dirt to live outside doing various activities and learning Wilderness First Responder techniques as well as Wilderness Medicine.
The course will have 12-15 students and a 3-5/1 instructor ratio. We will be traveling and learning in our groups for the majority of the course. At times our group will be teaching skills we’ve learned as well as being taught classes about the history and environment of the areas we are in.
I’m not entirely sure which order exactly I’ll be doing these sections, aside from the snow being first. I will be spending a few weeks in the snow in Lander Wyoming in the Wind River Range building snow caves, learning to haul gear and bodies with a sled, and backcountry skiing.
I will then be moving towards southern Utah to spend a few weeks canyoneering. I am SO excited for this section, probably the selling point for me. Utah is a magical place and I’ve always dreamed of having time to explore and learn about the history and environment. There’s a possibility that I will get to take 36 hours of solitude, time for reflection and self discovery. Giiirl gimme dat. We should also get time to do a student lead expedition, which should be fun.
THEN we will be spending a week or two white water rafting or kayaking. Always wanted to try that, never wanted to spend the money to do so! I think that we will have a base camp and live/leave from there daily but I honestly have no idea. I’m kind of enjoying not knowing all the details. Part of me knows it’s because I’m so overwhelmed that if I think about logistics too much I’ll probably be too worked up. Im a really good swimmer, I enjoy riding in boats. I think this section will be a lot of fun. I have to buy pretty much everything gear wise for this section, which isn’t a ton but with mounding costs for this mess I’m in every penny counts sincerely.
Last but certainly not lease, ROCK CLIMBING! I’m actually the most nervous about this section because I’m a rock climber. I don’t do that well in groups as it is, and I’m praying I don’t get stuck with a ton of newbs(can’t believe I just used newb, but it’s perfect). It mentioned the possibility of multipitch as well as leading. Also talked about was learning to place trad which I could really use a class on/confidence boost. Either way, having any more than two days set aside for Climbing is exciting. I hope I don’t loose all my strength in the two months I won’t be climbing because I’m busy doing other things. Although, I’ve been busy doing other things all summer it seems and I’ve maintained.
I’ve never been prone to worrying or anxiety. To be perfectly honest I’m not even sure I knew exactly what anxiety was before a few weeks ago. Wanting something so badly that you just go for it, without any real plan in place is fucking scary. I tell myself a lot that if it’s meant to be, it will. I believe that. I’ve heard a lot of people say too that if you want something bad enough you’ll find a way. Well, I want this really really badly and I’m somehow finding a way. It 100% would not be possible without the support of my family and my amazing boyfriend. I’m a little old for this course, technically. The average age is 20 which now that I’m in it makes a lot of sense. This course is not bound by “real life”. If you have a normal job, bills, pets, the logistics are nightmarish. I’ve been making lists of all my expenses I need to have covered before I’m gone, all the gear I need to buy and I am more than overwhelmed.
Extrawhelmed maybe?
I’m trying hard to embrace this, it doesn’t really feel real yet. Technically it isn’t, but the journey has indeed begun. My adventure.
whoscaitlin 