I was about to make a list or write a definition about what it means to be thick skinned. In fact I just googled it and it gave me a list titled “Tips to developing thick skin” and I gently laughed at myself while reading the short list. I hate telling myself things I already know.
I’m finding myself being more in tune with my emotions lately, as in more aware of them not necessarily in control.
Being in this state is extremely frustrating for me. I want to be the one who decides what effects me. I want to have enough control over a situation that I can think and react in a poised, respectful, thoughtful manner. Majority of the time I’d say I hit two out of three.
In my head it feels like I have been the way that I am for as long as I can remember. I love hard, and I care way more than I let on. If I don’t want to do something- I won’t. If I want to do something- I will. I genuinely don’t care if strangers like me, and I hate small talk. I have always tried to present myself as “take it or leave it” because I don’t have time to woo people into liking me.
I have been noticing myself becoming more withdrawn from social situations in the last few years. I don’t find myself having fun being out with large groups of people or even after dark most of the time. I’m craving genuine interactions and I’ve found that most socializing involves a lot of “fluff”. I don’t like putting myself out there for people that I don’t know.
How do you make new friends, genuine connections without the fluff?
I think the answer most simply put is, suck it up buttercup. Life involves fluff. I need to figure out how to make the fluff more appealing, and that is completely on me. I mentioned before that I hate telling myself things I already know. This paragraph has taken me a week to finish because I wanted to come up with some other solution. When in reality I just need to try a little harder. Rewards don’t come without risk. Risk doesn’t always have to be huge. Putting yourself out there every once in a while and possibly feeling stupid is a lot easier to manage than doing everything alone because you’re too afraid to make connections with people. Every friend is a stranger at some point, as an adult it really does take a little more effort to make genuine connections. But as I become more of my genuine self I think that I may have more to offer than I did before. I just need to be humble, patient, and keep an open mind. I can deal with a little embarrassment now and again, there are plenty of fish in the sea not every one of them has to like me. And that’s okay.
whoscaitlin 