Everyone is getting weird right now, the world is in a pandemic and everything is shutting down. I don’t spend much energy on the news to be completely honest although I can see and am feeling the real time effects of this. Restaurants are serving take out only, if they’re even still open. My father owns a small restaurant and is being directly effected by this. Gyms, churches, most “non essential” business’ are closed. Schools are out or moved to online if possible. I was laid off from my job at the brewery, my warehouse job is also talking about shutting their doors for a few weeks. The whole world is being urged to stay home rather than recreate outdoors.. This is such a weird time.
I’m not going to go into detail about how I feel about it, I don’t know exactly how I feel. I do however feel social pressure to be respectful of others and be responsible for myself. Am I doing a shut in full on quarantine? No. I still go outside, I grocery shop, I go to some local parks, and visit friends near by. I am choosing though be mindful, wash my hands (even though dirt is life), and not to go and visit my favorite mountain town and climb. THIS hurts. Coming so close to my moving date I want to spend every possible moment climbing, I have so much to do still!
With impending doom- comes opportunity.
I’ve had time to sit and write for the first time in over a year. I can’t say that I “haven’t had” the time, I just haven’t chosen it for myself. I find it harder and harder to collect my thoughts, which is oxymoronic at this point in my life when I’m feeling more mental clarity than ever before. I have missed writing, it just takes a little more processing. I have really started planning for my move, which has now been postponed… at least a few weeks. I’m loving having extra time to spend with my baby kitty, the love of my life. That cat is so unconditional I feel like I owe him a lot.
Life feels overwhelming and like its at a stand still at the same time. Such a strange dichotomy. I have definitely found that during this flux reaching out to people I care about has helped a lot. Allowing myself to be vulnerable and trust that I will be met with love and compassion has been really rewarding. A lot of people are in the same boat and I’m not sure why we all have such a hard time talking about it. If you’re feeling down, be the one to say something. It’s not easy but in the end you will feel better. There are always people out there that care but often times it just takes making the first move to get the conversation started.
whoscaitlin 