Everything in life ebbs and flows. Happiness, sadness, anger, loneliness, love. If we felt any of those things for too long they would lose their meaning, their power. Each of these feelings has and serves a purpose. Allowing yourself to be in those feelings has meaning, and not allowing yourself to be overcome by them has power.
I’m learning more and more every day how to let me self be in whatever state I’m feeling. Honestly it took quitting weed to really understand what being in your feelings is like. I was a daily smoker for a little over ten years and I had no clue how much numbing I was doing to myself. Im not saying that smoking weed is bad but for me, quitting was one of the best things I’ve done for myself in the last year. I’m finding that I have these waves of emotion that come, and man I feel them. It’s so powerful now that sometimes I’m taken aback. With out a constant stream of THC in my system its a lot harder for me to block my feelings out. Rather than a dull bounce my emotions come a lot more like a long slow roll. It’s a hell of a lot harder to block my thoughts from spiraling whichever way they will and it’s surprising to me, that I’m really fucking thankful for that.
With all of the craziness happening in the world, and in my small world right now there’s a lot more “negative” emotion than positive. In the last few years though my outlook on negative emotion has changed a lot. I don’t see being upset, stressed, or sad as a bad thing. It’s just true to where I’m at right now. I know in my head and my heart that I will not be here forever, but being here right now is exactly where I need to be. How can you measure success without struggle?
“Feel it, that thing you don’t want to feel. Feel it, and be free.”
I’ve seen variations of this quote many times, and think about it often. The best way that I’ve found to overcome things is to sit in them for as long as you can bare. You cannot overcome something you do not understand. You can however become something to better understand it. Letting yourself be a part of your emotions rather than having them happen to you has changed a lot of how I see situations and myself. Giving yourself power over your actions rather than being ruled by your emotions is hard, but one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever learned. I still have so much work to do, I don’t think it will ever stop. Feelings are very powerful, if you don’t address them they can change who you are. I have spent far too much time being ruled by my emotions and it’s exhausting. I constantly have to make a choice to pick myself up and do something to change my outlook. I have found though, that it really doesn’t take much. It takes a little effort, and a choice. A choice to be more of the person that I want to be in the future. Being okay with where you are right now is a good thing, but you should always strive to be the person you hope for in the future. Eventually, you will be that person.
whoscaitlin 