Being and Artist and being artistic is not the same thing. Much like being a musician and being musical. It’s a very frustrating thing to have these parts of yourself that you know are in there, you just have not gained access to them(yet, I hope). I grew up with a father who is both a musician and an artist, my cousins, aunt, and sister are also talented artists. I on the other hand have it in me, I can see the end results of my ideas I just rarely have the ability to make it come to life in the way that I imagine it. Not for one second am I presuming that I do not have the ability to acquire these skills, I just have not been willing to put in the time.
I’ve tried so many different hobbies when it comes to art. I have dabbled in painting, drawing, jewelry making, wire wrapping, bead art, photography, woodworking, crocheting, knitting, poetry, story telling, ukulele, harmonica, penny whistle, clarinet, singing, sewing, epoxying orange peels, and a few others I’m sure were such epic failures that I seem to have forgotten. I can’t say that I spent a grueling amount of time on anything in particular. I tend to try something out get marginally good at one thing within a discipline and then get bored and move on. I’m unsure if its a bigger curse to be very good at only one thing, or not very good at a lot of things. I’m wondering if I just haven’t found my “thing” yet.
Creativity is not talent, it’s a part of yourself that needs to be explored. The more that you exercise your creative brain the more easily things flow, but flow is not always constant. Often times for me it feels more like a slow trickle or it comes in small bursts. I struggle with manifestation. I have concepts and can imagine end results but getting to them is a constant struggle. Even as I sit here to write I have had an idea of what I want this to be about, moments that I felt I knew what my message would be, and then I start to type and everything goes blank. The same thing happens when I think about something I would like to draw, I see an idea in my head I can imagine exactly how I would execute it and as soon as I put pen to paper nothing falls into place.
This feels like such a metaphor for life. Some people seem to have it all figured out. They grow up knowing exactly what they want to do with their lives, go to school to become something they’ve dreamed about forever, find a partner, have children, yada yada. Then there’s the ones who really don’t have a clue what we want, and we may spend our entire lives searching. The older I get the less daunting this feels. I’m figuring out what I value in life and for me it isn’t money, status, or material things. Parts of me wishes that I had gone to college and have a career by now that will guarantee retirement at….some point. But most of me is happy to be where I’m at.
I’m finding that a lot like art, manifesting a life that you’re proud of takes a lot of work and intention. There have been MANY times that I have taken a step back and looked at my life and thought, “well this didn’t turn out how I wanted it to at all”. From there you have the ability to reevaluate and strategize to make change. Life is a constant work of art. Sometimes you like what you’ve created, sometimes you get bored and check out for a bit. I’m finding that for me, relationships, experiences, and my health are things that I value very much. All of these things bring so much color and texture to my life. Being “good” at any of these things is benign- its the journey that brings you joy. When you are nurturing relationships, you can feel it. The energy you give out somehow comes radiating back at you and it’s a powerful thing. If you seek adventure, you will find it. Days spent outside exploring, learning, and seeing new things will ALWAYS hold faster than days spent inside. And doing hard things is incredibly rewarding, feeling strong both physically and mentally while overcoming obstacles brings a kind of satisfaction and sense of empowerment that is impossible to get any other way.
The beauty of life, like art, is that it is your own. You will find people that appreciate what you have created and will inspire you to do and be more, and you will definitely find critics. The process is the important part, getting your hands dirty and making messes. Maybe I’m too busy creating life that I can’t seem to get my shit together on the harmonica…but for now that’s okay. The willingness to try new things and challenge myself has taught me that most times things don’t work out the way that you intended, but sometimes you’ll surprise yourself and truly love your creations.
whoscaitlin 