Life is feeling a bit like a dream lately. I keep wanting to stop and write it all down but it seems like as soon as I try to put things into words, the memories escape me. I’m so scared I’m going to miss something. I haven’t been taking as many pictures, taking time for self care, or been as healthy as id like to be. But holy shit. These last…5 months have been wild.
I remember vividly the scared hurt girl sitting in my fancy new apartment in my dream town feeling remarkably alone. More alone than I’d ever felt before. I’d let my world get SO small without realizing it. I’d sacrificed so much of myself and was left with so much anger in return. I was angry at him for making me feel SO small, angry at myself for allowing this to happen, I was angry that I was angry. It took a really long time for that fire to calm down. To slowly start trusting people again, even with the most simple things it took a long time. I wasn’t even looking people in the eyes anymore.
But I am so fucking tired of being angry.
I’ve again been shown that human connection brings so much healing. Seeking out friends and trying new things breaths life into you in such a subtle way you barely notice yourself start to change.
Little steps at a time. Say yes more often, dance at every opportunity, ask for help. Put yourself out there, do something you’ve never done before, follow your gut. All these stupid little mantras.. they work. It’s annoying how well they work. I get asked what you did to get to where you are..plain and simple people. You have to give a shit and TRY to make a better life for yourself.
whoscaitlin 