foolish girl

I love you.

I love you more than I intended to- 

I wanted so badly to be loved in the same way but I held you too close. 

I see the walls building back up around you, my door is closing. I’m grasping tooth and nail but

I need to let go. 

Trying to DO with a broken heart- nothing feels right. I don’t feel like doing.

I don’t feel like “me”.

I don’t even remember what “me” is supposed to feel like. 

When I fell I lost a piece of myself. That piece lives in you now. I don’t know if I’ll ever get it back, I’m not sure that I’m supposed to.

I gave it to you. I wanted you to have it- but it was supposed to be a trade. I thought a piece of your heart would fill the space in mine. Foolish girl.

I don’t know if you ever truly gave me a piece of your heart.

You fell for me, and then you got back up. 

You got back up before I even realized-

Now I have to get up. 

and yet

I miss you today. But I miss you in the same way that I’ve always missed you.

The whole time you could be right there, and yet somehow I’d still miss you.

Now that we’ve turned the page I feel like a stranger

The empty check in is killing me.

I’m fine- I’ve been fine- I’ll be fine. Just—fine.

I wish I understood where it all went. How does one care “less”

I told you my biggest fear, it came true.

Time and time again- my heart.

and here we are.

rather, here I am.